"As Fate Would Have It": Chapter 9

To live without you would only be heartbreak for me

For me there is no one but you … Please love me too

= Wednesday 08 March 2000 =

"How did it go?" Diana inquired the following morning when her sons and husband returned from the interview.

"Well," Taylor replied, "we can tell Avery that there really was an eighth dwarf that Disney cut out from ‘Snow White’."

"Yeah, and we found him," Zac added. "Mopey." With sardonic eyes, he gestured toward Isaac, who followed into the kitchen behind their father, head bowed.

Maternal instinct kicked in. "What’s wrong?" she asked, as her eldest child virtually dropped himself into a chair.

"Off-camera, the girlfriend question came up again," Walker supplied.

"I see." Diana turned her attention to Taylor and Zac. "Would you two go check on Mac and your sisters? They’ve been quiet for a while."

"Sure thing, Mom. Come on, Zac; I wanted to run some lyrics by you for that song, anyway." Taylor practically had to drag his younger brother from the room. Zac had been having a high time ridiculing Ike all the way back to the hotel; but he’d been more merciless than usual, and his comments had taken their toll.

Diana and Walker sat on either side of their son. "Isaac…" his mother began.

But he cut her off, "Don’t even say anything. You guys can’t possibly know how I’m feeling. You two found each other and knew you were meant to be together by the time you were Tay’s age, and married by the time you were my age. You don’t know what it’s like to be done with high school and still not have found someone who truly loves you."

"Son, that’s awfully rude," Walker admonished. "But I can’t deny that it’s true. But we want to help you, so why don’t you tell us how you feel?"

Isaac shifted in the chair and leaned his arms on the table before speaking. They can’t possibly be of any help, he thought, they’ve been in love since they were sixteen. Life is so unfair. Maybe if I keep it to the basics, they might have a chance of understanding. "I hate not having someone to care about, who cares about me. I mean, I’m nineteen years old, and I haven’t dated since my concept of a date constituted going to the movies with a girl and her parents. I’m getting sick of being lonely."

"Ike, when you and your brothers signed that recording contract, you knew it would mean that you wouldn’t have a normal life. Are you beginning to regret this choice? Do you want to quit? You know we’re behind you one hundred percent, whatever you decide." Walker could barely believe what his son was saying. He thought he would never live to see the day his sons didn’t want to make music. They had all loved it since before they were born, especially Isaac.

"No, it’s not that, exactly. But what girl wants to commit to someone they’ll see once a year, and even then run the risk of having to come to one of his concerts in order to see him? Not to mention that that’s highly impersonal. I wouldn’t want to put any girl through that, but I’m getting to the point that every time I glance at one of Jessie and Avie’s teenybopper magazines and see my own face, the phrase ‘dating status: single’ glares at me like I’m some kind of failure and no girl will ever want me because I won’t be able to give her as much attention as she deserves."

This wasn’t the whole truth, and his parents could see right through to that fact. Intuition told them that it had something to do with the young woman he had begged them at the airport to let stay with them for four days. But how could they open the topic for discussion? This firstborn son had always been especially sensitive about touchy subjects like love. Fortunately, they were saved by, of all people, Zoë, who toddled into the room at that moment, asking for her new friend. "Where La-La?"

"I don’t know, Angel," Diana told her daughter. "Why don’t you go look for her? I think she’s with Jessie and Avery in their room." The child left, and Diana turned to explain Zoë’s cryptic inquiry to her husband and son. "She’s referring to Laurel. The two of them have really taken to one another. Laurel was singing to her earlier, and Zoë’s been calling her ‘La-La’ all morning."

Throughout the time since the baby had entered the room and spoken, Walker had been studying her brother’s reactions. When Laurel was mentioned, he noticed that Isaac’s eyes held an expression of contemplation …and something else not clearly distinguishable. Deciding to bite the bullet, he asked, "Son, you aren’t by chance referring to Laurel as this girl you keep mentioning, are you?"

"Why do you ask?" This attempt at innocence was pathetic and Isaac knew it. His father could read his emotions like an open book, and this time was no exception.

"Ever since she came into the picture, you’ve been withdrawing from everything that normally would hold your interest. Your brothers have been working for two days now on a new song, and you haven’t so much as asked them about it. And this morning you were flat-out despondent towards questions on subjects that normally interest you," Walker’s voice held a concern so extensive that it was clear he was worried. "I’m almost afraid that you’re starting to show symptoms of depression. We’re worried about you, Son."

Isaac didn’t know what to say to his father. He’d had no idea he had become so noticeably dejected. "Dad, I — I’m sorry I worried you. I’m sorry, Mom. I just don’t know how to deal with what I’m feeling."

"It’s okay, Honey. Just be careful that you don’t withdraw from your life. And come to us if you want to talk," Diana spoke soothingly to her son. "And promise us that you won’t shut out your family."

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"Uh, Tay, don’t take this the wrong way, but that really doesn’t sound right. It sounds too forced, like ‘I’ve-got-this-great-melody-but-no-lyrics-so-I’m-going-to-put-in-whatever-words-I-can-think-of’ or something. It sounds shallow, like you don’t mean what you’re saying." Zac tried to be tactful with his criticism; one moody brother was more than he could deal with at one time. Taylor looked frustrated, but it could just be from the writer’s bloc he was experiencing.

"Ugh, I know. But this is driving me crazy. I can’t write in places like this. I need to be at home. Actually, I need Ike’s help. He’s the one that always comes up with the deep lyrics for the ballads. Look at ‘More Than Anything’; he did most of the work on that, and people love it." Taylor buried his face in his hands. I am really starting to hate this being constantly on the go, constantly working. Can’t I just take a break? I’m just a kid; I shouldn’t have all this extra weight on my shoulders.

Zac detected an unusually high stress level in his brother. "Let’s forget the song for a while," he suggested. "Let’s just hang out until we have to leave again for Central Park. Ike’s really starting to get to you, isn’t he?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Taylor admitted. "I didn’t really think about it before, but I guess so. He’s being so depressive about Laurel, and it drives me up the wall when he mopes. Plus, I was looking forward to having these few days off at home, not working in New York again. I think I’m just starting to get burned out. I really needed the time off we were supposed to have. I’m sorry if I’m taking it out on you."

"Hey, it’s okay," Zac said. "I know how road-burn goes. We have been working hard lately. But you and your perfectionist thing have been going overtime. You need to relax a little. It won’t kill you to ease up on yourself, really. I hate to see you bummed out like this. Especially when Ike’s being so sour. That leaves me with no one to hang out with except Mac and our sisters." At last, Zac found the smile he’d been trying to coax out of his brother.

"Hey, I heard that," Jessica called out from the living room. "And just for that, you’re going to have to watch a movie with me tonight. Both of you, and Ike. And I get to pick what movie."

"Great," both brothers muttered in unison. "Now we have to sit through a chick flick with our little sister and Mopey the long-lost eighth dwarf," Zac continued.

"Hey, maybe you should lay off of Ike for a while. Ridiculing him certainly isn’t helping his mood any," Taylor said. He’d seen Isaac walk by the doorway a minute or two ago, and knew how irritable his brother could be when rejected by a girl he was interested in.

"I guess you’re right. But it’s just so tempting; he gets so sensitive about things that aren’t all that important. I can’t help myself," Zac confided seriously, but with a devilish grin.

"It’s important to him, though," Taylor defended. "Just you wait, Zac. You’ll find out for yourself sooner than you’d care to. Either that, or one of these days you’re going to push Ike over the edge ‘til he does something you and he will both regret. You know him as well as I do, so you should know better than to get on his case when he’s not in the greatest of moods. Besides, it’ll happen to you sooner than you’d like, and he won’t have any qualms about treating you the way you’re treating him right now."

"All right, I get the idea. I’ll go apologize." At that moment, Ike walked in, seemingly searching for something. Zac kept his word, as he said, "Ike, I’m sorry I was egging you on. I should have been more sensitive than that. Forgive me?"

Isaac sighed. "If you help me find my guitar pick. Zoë found it again, and I have no idea why that child sees the need to hide it every time she gets her hands on it. …And Zac?" he asked as his brothers helped him search in all the places that it was possible that a two-year-old may have stashed something as small as a guitar pick.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for apologizing."

"Huh?" This had to be one of the most bewildering things Ike had ever said to him.

"Nevermind. And what’s this I hear about we have to sit and watch a movie of Jessie’s choice tonight? What did you say to her this time?"

"I didn’t say anything to her. She heard me make one of my usual comments. But how did you know?"

"She asked Mom and Dad about watching ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’, and then Avery heard her and begged to be allowed to watch, too. There’s a shortened, censored version on TV tonight, which is why Mom and Dad okayed it for the girls. Our sentence begins at 8:00 tonight, Eastern Standard Time."

"‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’, huh?" Taylor groaned. His brothers, from past experience, knew what his next words would be and chimed in: "Chick flick!"

"I heard that!" came the indignant cry of their ten-year-old sister from the next room. "It’s not that bad, so I don’t want to hear any complaints."

"Is it just me, or is she trying to act older than ten?" Taylor asked his older and younger brothers.

"She may have a point, though." Isaac’s comment brought two bewildered responses. "The soundtrack has some good songs," he defended himself.

Isaac’s younger brothers looked at each other. "He owns the soundtrack to a chick flick?" Taylor cringed. He knew his older brother was a sap, but this? Maybe Zac was right; maybe Ike was just begging to be ribbed for his sentimentality.

"Like what?" Zac challenged.

"Like… The moment I wake up / Before I put on my make-up / I say a little prayer for you / While combing my hair now / While deciding what dress to wear now / I say a little prayer for you…"

Zac burst into riotous laughter at the antics in imitation of the gay character that sang the song in the movie that his eldest brother added to his singing. "Ike, it’s good to have the usual you back. You get too serious sometimes. I was starting to miss the goofball Ike. I can only be so weird myself, you know."