"As Fate Would Have It": Chapter 12

Only to find that one won’t give their heart to you

Have you ever had someone steal your heart away … You’d give anything to make them feel the same

= Thursday 09 March 2000 =

"This is impossible; I must be out of my head," Isaac muttered to himself. "It’s quite simple, really. I’m insane. That’s all there is to it. She obviously doesn’t care about me; she’s so uptight that I would go insane within fifteen minutes with her." Unaware that he’d begun to pace, Isaac continued his oration. "But on the other hand, she’s so wonderful. When you can actually get her to smile, it lights up her whole face. And as a musician, she’s — she’s amazing. And so beautiful. Yet so unhappy." His countenance, glowing with thoughts of Laurel, immediately clouded thoughtfully. "What could possibly have hurt her so greatly?" He collapsed backward across the bed, his head hanging over the edge and his hair dragging on the floor.

Zoë, who had been watching him with fascination the whole time, toddled over and examined at her brother’s quickly reddening face. He couldn’t help but laugh at the toothy grin that spread from ear to ear across her face. She was just too adorable with those big blue eyes, the same clear shade as Taylor’s. No doubt about it, Zoë was a charmer, just like the brother whose brilliant baby blues she shared. Isaac rolled over onto his stomach and scooped up his sister into his lap as he sat up on the bed.

"So tell me, you little doll," he asked her, "what’s the magic charm that can help me win Laurel’s heart? What is it that makes you and our brother so irresistible? There has to be something other than the blue eyes; besides, there’s nothing I can do about my eye color. And how can I help her to not hurt?"

The child looked up at him questioningly, reaching her little hand up to his chest and tapping it over his heart. "Hurt?" she repeated.

"Yeah, it’s her heart that hurts. I don’t know why. But I want to know why. I don’t want her to hurt because I — I love her. But how do I tell her that? Do I just come out and say it bluntly? What if that scares her off? I can’t let that happen; I have one chance and I can’t blow it." Zoë began to squirm in his arms, so he put her down on the floor.

Just then, a knock at the door interrupted his contemplation. Isaac called out, "It’s open," assuming it was Laurel coming to retrieve his sister for her afternoon nap; she’d been taking care of Zoë quite a bit, much to his mother’s relief. Gathering all the courage he could muster, he said, "Don’t say a word. There’s something I want to tell you, and I have to say it quick before I lose my nerve. I — I know we haven’t known each other long, but I really care about you. In fact, I ...I love you, Laurel."

All this time, Isaac had been sitting with his back to the door and the person who had entered through it moments ago. Rather, the people who had entered. He was too afraid of having to look Laurel in the face if he turned around. The next sound he heard was the last thing he’d expected: laughter. Then a look of embarrassed panic overtook Isaac’s face as he recognized the laughter as belonging to his brothers.

"Gee, and all this time I thought you hated me. I had no idea you cared so much, Ikey," Zac hooted in a high-pitched voice, draping himself across his brother’s lap. Taylor followed, holding his sides and fighting to keep his balance as he collapsed on the bed beside them, laughter erupting from the pit of his stomach.

"How much of that did you hear?"

"More than enough," Zac giggled, still in the high-pitched voice. "You had me at ‘hello’. You had me at ‘hello’." He intentionally cracked his voice to imitate crying.

Taylor, being slightly more sensitive to his brother’s plight, fought to regain his breath and composure, and wiped the laughter-tears from his eyes when he saw the forlorn expression in his older brother’s eyes. Ike really had it bad for this girl. Still chuckling, Taylor turned to Zac.

"Why don’t you take Zoë to Mom and Dad’s room, and put her down for her nap."

Compliantly, Zac scooped up the giggling baby and left the room; he also caught the hint that he was not to return. Taylor shut the door behind them. Turning around, he looked at his older brother, stretched across the bed with his eyes closed. "Sorry about that, man. It was just too much to pass up; you, asking advice from our two-year-old sister and then talking to someone you didn’t know wasn’t there…" He crossed the room and sat on his own bed, beside Isaac’s.

"It’s okay, I forgive you. I would have done the same thing if I were you." For the first time since the situation started, he smiled. "I must have looked and sounded pretty ridiculous, huh?"

Taylor grinned. "I’m only sorry I didn’t have your video camera." Then he turned serious. "Do you really believe you love her?"

Thoughtful for a moment, but only a moment, Ike replied, "Yes, I really do."

"What are you going to do about it?" Taylor knew as well as his brother that this was no simple predicament; he’d seen how Laurel froze at contact of any kind from Isaac.

"I honestly don’t know. I wish I knew what it is that bothers her so much. I haven’t done anything, she won’t let me in to herself, and she won’t tell me what’s wrong. But I love her so much that it’s driving me insane."

Taylor nodded his understanding. His brother’s tone of voice was evidently pained. He sighed. "I don’t know what to tell you, Ike. I really don’t understand your situation; I’ve never been there myself."

"It — it’s like…" Isaac tried to find the words to explain. Then an idea came to him. Actually, it was a song, but it said exactly what he felt. "Promise not to laugh? This is gonna sound really stupid."

"Ike, I’ve lived with you for nearly seventeen years. I know what a sap you are. Everything you do and say about girls sounds stupid. But I understand why you do it. I’ve felt that way a few times myself. Not as intensely as you do, but I’ve still had my fair share of crushes." He noticed Isaac’s devilish grin. "Before you make any comments about the impossibility of my getting a date with Jennifer Anniston, let me clarify. I’ve had my fair share of rational crushes."

"Okay then. It’s like that one song by what’s-her-name. It’s on Laurel’s Diane Warren CD, the one she left lying around the other night."

"You can’t remember the name of someone we’ve probably met a hundred times? You really do have it bad for this girl."

Isaac ignored Taylor’s comment, and rooted through his CD collection for the disc he had just mentioned. When he found what he was looking for, he placed it in Zac’s CD player on the dresser, and turned it on. They both listened as the song wafted gently across the room: "Have you ever been in love / Been in love so bad / You’d do anything to make them understand / Have you ever had someone steal your heart away / You’d give anything to make them feel the same / Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart / But you don’t know what to say / And you don’t know where to start…"

Isaac slumped into a chair positioned by the window and stared out at the street below as he listened to the song play out exactly what he felt deep within. "Have you ever loved somebody so much / It makes you cry / Have you ever needed something so bad / You can’t sleep at night / Have you ever tried to find the words / But they don’t come out right / Have you ever, have you ever…"

Isaac’s expression as he heard the lyrics was heart-wrenching. Taylor wished he knew what to do or say to help him. They continued to listen to the song, with Isaac flinching as though he were in pain at every statement in the second verse: "Have you ever found the one / You’ve dreamed of all your life / You’d do anything to look into their eyes / Have you finally found the one you’ve given your heart to / Only to find that one won’t give their heart to you / Have you ever closed your eyes and / Dreamed that they were there / And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care…"

Finally, he couldn’t stand it any longer; he jumped up and switched off the CD player. Taylor thought he saw tears in his eyes.

"Ike, if you love her that much, you have to tell her. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t and you’ll drive the rest of us insane moaning about it for the next year." Not even this joke could coax a smile. "Just go for it. Tell her how you feel, and ask her what’s hurting her. You’re both mature adults. Just be fully honest with her. Geez, listen to me; I sound like that black guy from ‘Jerry Maguire’," he lamented, referring to the second movie Jessica had forced her three older brothers to watch with her the previous night, as reproof for acting up throughout ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’.

"But what if she closes up to me entirely?"

"Ike, look at yourself. You’re standing here crying over an R&B ballad. Sure, it’s a risk, but don’t you think it’s a risk worth taking?"

"Alright. I’ll talk to her this evening, when everyone goes out. I just have to get out of going, now." He started towards the door in search of their parents.

"Ike…?"

He turned around. "Yeah?"

"Good luck."

"Thanks."