"As Fate Would Have It": Chapter 3

These feelings I hold inside

When I look into your eyes … I see something special about you

= Sunday night 05 March 2000 =

"This is great! Aren’t you having a blast?" Hayley yelled to Laurel over the din of several hundred shrieking and singing people.

"Not as much as you are, apparently," Laurel returned, but in a joyous tone. If she were to be totally honest, Laurel would have to admit that she was having fun. But not as much as her roommate. She had rarely seen Hayley this wired. Part of it is probably because this is home for her. Of course she’s going to be more in her own element on her familiar turf. There was another reason that Laurel was mildly ill at ease, but she chose not to even allow such thoughts to enter her mind.

Hayley’s enthusiasm was contagious. Before long, Laurel found herself jumping, clapping, and singing along, although she did not go to the lengths that her friend did. Hayley was accustomed to making a spectacle of herself, but Laurel felt that head-banging to "MmmBop" was just slightly outrageous. If nothing else, she was amused just by watching Hayley.

It wasn’t until Hanson left the stage for a short break while the set was being changed for the acoustic session that Hayley calmed down enough for Laurel to talk to her. "What was the name of the opening band again?"

Hayley told her, then asked, "Why?"

"I was just wondering. I think I might get their CD. They were really good."

"Yeah, but not as good as these guys!" The volume of Hayley’s voice rose to meet that of the crowd as Hanson bounded back onstage. So did her energy level. Laurel began to wonder what her roommate had put in her coffee that morning.

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Here, on this smaller-scale level, interaction with the audience was more intimate; Isaac liked that. Even though it was plain to see that the majority of this crowd knew every word to every song they’d ever sung, the brothers took turns introducing each song they played. Isaac leaned back in his armchair for a moment so that the painfully bright stage lights weren’t shining directly in his eyes, while Taylor announced that the next song would be the last that the band would perform for the acoustic set.

While he spoke, Taylor placed a hand across his eyes in such a way that he appeared to be shading his eyes from the glare of the stage lights. No one in the arena was close enough to see that he was actually wiping tears from his eyes. Isaac looked over to Zac, who was doing the same. Nearly six years, Isaac thought. It’s been nearly six years and it’s still so painful that we can’t get through "With You In Your Dreams" without crying.

He continued to let his thoughts wander as he automatically began to strum his guitar. He only sang on the chorus of this particular song, so he had another minute yet to let his mind wander. I don’t know if I’m sorry we ever released "With You In Your Dreams"; it annoys me when people cheer and shriek through the whole song. I mean, I’m glad they like the song, but is it too much to ask that they respect the fact that it’s a tribute to someone we loved who passed away? Zac feels, the same way, I can tell. But then again, he was especially close to Grandma.

Throughout every portion of the song he wasn’t singing, Isaac allowed his eyes to roam the crowd. He didn’t know who or what he was looking for, only felt the compulsion to scan the crowd. Meanwhile, the song came to an end, flawlessly as usual. We’ve performed these songs so many times that we can do an entire concert without even thinking about anything… I’m glad we have the next few days off; I could use a break.

Taylor’s voice broke through his musings when he leaned over into his microphone and said, "Thank you very much. Now at this point, Zac and I are going to leave it up to our older brother." As he said this, he winked at a young woman who was directly in his line of vision from where he sat. There was something about her that made her different from the other fans, and especially different from the lunatic beside her. He had noticed that during "With You In Your Dreams" she had calmed down significantly and sang along almost reverently, and cried with him, as well. The crazy girl, on the other hand, had yet to stand still all night; Taylor couldn’t believe she hadn’t passed out from exhaustion yet.

The three brothers stood, Zac clowning around as usual. Taylor turned to Ike and whispered, "Good luck." His eyes never left the girl who still stood serenely next to her wild friend. Isaac followed his brother’s line of vision and whispered, "What’s with her?"

"‘Dunno, but her eyes haven’t left you all night." This was all the time they had for conversation as Taylor and Zac walked off stage toward their left, where they gratefully took the bottled water offered to them. Gulping it down, they stood to watch their older sibling’s solo performance.

Isaac seated himself on the bench his brother had vacated. "I’m sure you all know this song; it’s one of our older songs from the pre-Mercury Records days. Being from our home area, I’m sure some of you even have a copy of our independent album ‘MmmBop’. This song has been well-received since I started performing it again two years ago on the Albertane Tour, so we decided to keep it again on this tour, after spending last summer in the recording studio. Here it is." Throughout this whole narration, Isaac watched the girl Taylor had drawn his attention to.

When she saw him looking in her direction, she quickly diverted her gaze. She seemed ashamed of the fact that she’d been watching him and gotten caught in the act. That’s weird, Isaac thought, as he began to play. No one has ever reacted like that before. He put the thought out of his mind and continued to watch her as he began to sing: "I love you more than anything / Than anything I do / And I’d give anything / And everything I have just to be with you / These feelings I hold inside / Are emotions I cannot hide / These feelings will not subside / I’d give anything…"

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"When I look into your eyes / I see something special about you / And when I hold your hand / You seem to understand that / I love you more than anything / Than anything I do / And I’d give anything / And everything I have just to be with you…" Laurel hadn’t even noticed that she was singing along with Isaac Hanson’s ballad until Hayley stopped shrieking and nudged her with an elbow.

Laurel didn’t hear her friend’s voice, but she was asking herself the same question that Hayley was verbalizing: What are you doing, Laurel? Singing at Hanson concert wasn’t uncommon, but Laurel’s voice was noticeably deeper than most girls’, and she was raising it to a point that most of the people around her could hear it. This was one of only two things that could embarrass Hayley.

But after turning around from Isaac’s scrutinizing stare, Laurel had looked back to find that he was still watching her, and unintentionally made eye contact with him. The next thing she knew, she was singing with him in perfect unison and raising her voice to a level that she normally saved for when she was performing, or jamming alone.

There was no mistaking the moment that Laurel’s eyes met Isaac’s; she felt something deep in her heart react to the words they were singing, as the circle of people fallen silent around her grew. "These feelings I hold inside / Are emotions I cannot hide / These feelings will not subside / I’d give anything…" Apparently Isaac felt something, too; his voice broke ever so slightly on the final "anything".

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Isaac’s head was reeling. What’s going on? What is it about her? Hold on, Ike, focus on what you’re doing. It won’t look good if you get so caught up in staring at some girl that you forget to sing, he caught himself as he delivered a note less-than-perfectly.

There was no denying that there was something about her… something intriguing that held Isaac’s attention and wouldn’t let go. It wasn’t her appearance; she was rather plain-looking, and she was even dressed more modestly than most of the other teenage girls to be seen in the stadium. No, it’s something in her eyes. It looks like… love.

Love. Not the usual fantasizing reaction that Isaac had seen so much of in the past three years, but genuine accepting-of-all-flaws love. But how could that be? Love like that came from knowing someone; this girl did not in any way look familiar to Isaac.

"Ike, what’s going on? You okay, dude?" Zac’s tiny voice rang in Ike’s ear, literally. He was speaking to his older brother via a backstage microphone connected to the minuscule monitor Isaac wore in his ear. It took only a few moments for him to figure out what Zac meant once he started listening to the sound of his own voice; Isaac was crying. There were no tears in his eyes yet, but his voice was thick with them. He was singing the song as though he meant every word. Isaac’s first reaction was to look intensely into the eyes of the girl with whom he had not yet broken the connection established minutes ago.

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"Laurel? Are you okay?" Hayley’s voice barely broke through the haze that had surrounded her friend. "Laurel, you’re crying. What’s up?"

Not breaking eye contact with Isaac, Laurel reached up to her face. There were indeed tears rolling down her cheeks. Not missing a beat in the song, she wiped them away without breaking any factor of the moment. She seemed unaware that even Hayley was present; Laurel and Isaac were the only two people in existence, in Laurel’s mind. Her eyes had even begun to glaze over. "When I think of life without you / It brings me / It brings me right down to my knees / ‘Cause I can’t imagine life without you / You are my strength / The thing that keeps me holding on / I’d do things that can’t be done / I’d fly to the moon and then around the sun / If you’ll just say that I’m the one / I’d give anything…"

"Laurel. Laurel." Hayley was waving her hand in front of Laurel’s eyes. "Geez girl, you could have warned me that you might slip into the Twilight Zone when you heard this song. C’mon, Laur, you’re freaking people out here. First singing in that manly voice of yours, and then zoning out while you do it. It’s time to come back down to earth now. Come back to us, Laurel. This is just a song. The guy is not singing to you, and he certainly doesn’t mean any of what he’s saying." Finally, this last comment broke through and Laurel rejoined the conscious world.

She’s right. This is not who you think it is. He does not love you. He doesn’t even know you, Laurel. And you don’t know him. You never have, and you never will. I thought you were past all of this juvenile behavior and delusion. Concentrate on reality and get on with your life. Move forward instead of backward. Remember the lies in those words he’s singing. Every single promise is untrue and will never be fulfilled.

Laurel finally pulled her eyes away, closing them as she ducked her head. Had she looked up briefly, she would have seen one lone tear glistening in the corner of Isaac’s eye. The expression on her face had told him that whatever they had shared in that magic moment, she would never let them have, regardless of what fate may have outlined.

"Thanks, Hayley, for snapping me out of that." Laurel sat for the first time all night, rubbing her eyes. "I don’t know what came over me. It must be the song. I don’t know why it does that to me. Sorry."

"Not a problem. Just don’t scare me like that when we go backstage." Hayley waved the backstage passes her father had procured for them in Laurel’s face and she groaned. No. I can’t go backstage. I can’t face him. Not now, not ever. He honestly thinks I felt something, and I know he felt something. If there’s anything I can do, it’s read someone’s voice. And "More Than Anything" has never sounded like this.

"I don’t want to go backstage, Hayley," Laurel whimpered in a small tone like a child on the verge of tears for being asked to do something she was not willing to face. "I don’t want to talk to him." — Hayley understood to whom Laurel was referring. — "Go without me."

"No way. If you don’t want to talk to the guy, avoid him. But you’re going. I’m not going to let you wimp out and ruin spring break for either one of us." Even if she didn’t show it often, Hayley had her sensitive side. Maybe she had a valid point, too.