"As Fate Would Have It": Chapter 19

Soon these eyes will see the sun

No, I’m not gonna fall again … ‘Cause I’ve learned to be strong

= Saturday 11 March 2000 =

"How did that one sound to you guys?" Laurel asked inside the recording booth.

"Pretty good. Do you want to try it again?" Taylor peeked across the two pianos that had been crammed into the room, along with a drum set. Isaac sat beside his brother on the piano bench, his acoustic guitar perched on his knee.

Laurel turned to address Zac next. "Is there anyway we can get a lighter sound? Brushes instead of sticks, maybe? I want this to sound really acoustic, and right now the percussion sounds kinda heavy."

"I agree," he replied. "I’ll need the sticks for the cymbal roll in the intro, but then I can switch after that."
"Sounds good. Let’s give that a try," Isaac interjected.

Three takes later, Taylor noticed that Laurel was beginning to fumble. He called a break and studied his friend, noting that she’d grown pale. Isaac also took notice.

"You okay?"

Laurel didn’t respond for a moment, seemingly not noticing that he’d spoken. Then she closed and reopened her eyes, and raised them to meet his questioning gaze. "Just a little headache, that’s all," she lied. She was in so much pain she could hardly see straight.

"Well, why don’t you take it easy for a little while, and we’ll go through the takes we’ve done so far and do some editing," Zac offered.

"Yeah, there’s a couch out there that you can crash on. Tay, do you have any more of that bottled water with you?"

"Yeah, I do. I’ll get it for you."

"Thanks," Laurel offered weakly. She tried to stand, and nearly collapsed. "I must’ve stood up too fast," she told Isaac after he’d caught and steadied her. Before she could object, he picked her up and carried her out to the other room.

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"I liked that one." Laurel heard Taylor’s voice from across the room, but couldn’t focus on his form when she tried to look at him.

"Yeah, but I was a little out of tune on the G-string," Isaac rebutted. "I think I need to replace it soon."

"Let’s try an earlier take, then," Zac offered.

"How about the first one we did with you switching from sticks to brushes." Isaac looked back toward Laurel as he spoke. "How are you doing over there?"

"Not too bad, but not too great, either. Give me a few more minutes. If I’m not feeling better, I may have to skip out for the rest of the afternoon. You know what I want from this; I’ll trust you to finish it."

There was a finality in Laurel’s words that awakened a lump of fear in Isaac’s throat. Turning back to his brothers, he lowered his voice so that only they could hear him as Laurel closed her eyes again, willing away the pain. "Guys, something tells me she’s going to be leaving soon, and not just because of the headache. I honestly think she won’t be with us much longer. Do we still want to do what we discussed?"

Both nodded their affirmation, and Zac spoke for Taylor as well as himself, "Yeah. If this take is good, let’s use it and get that recording done."

The take was good, the best of all of them, in fact. Laurel thought she heard people moving around and speaking in low voices, but she couldn’t distinguish anything, and she was unfamiliar with the sounds made by the various equipment in the room. Minutes later, Isaac was kneeling by her side, delicately brushing the hair away from her forehead.

"Feeling any better?" he asked when she opened her eyes.

"Not really. I think I better call it quits."

"Will you be okay going back by yourself? We’d like to stay and see if we can get a better take with the guitar after I put some new strings on it. We’ll still let you have the final word on what we keep. You can come back later tonight if you feel up to it."

"Sounds fine." Laurel refused to look him in the eye, afraid that he might be able to read the truth there. While they’d been busy, it was easy to conceal the fact that the headache had finally passed. Looking over his shoulder, she thought she saw Taylor reaching into her leather backpack, but it was hard to tell from that angle.

"We’ll walk you down," Taylor offered, as he and Zac approached and stood behind their brother.

The senior Hanson grabbed Laurel’s bag and handed it to her, then told the engineer that they would be back in a few minutes.

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Laurel moved as quickly and quietly as possible, stuffing her things into her duffel bag. She’d not investigated her backpack, ignoring the paranoia that anyone had gone through it. She merely opened it without looking inside and dropped her CD player in. Noticing that her Diane Warren compilation CD was missing as she did so, Laurel made her way to the brothers’ room. It was on the bedside table, where Isaac had lain it.

Finding also a notebook lying on the bed, she tore out two blank pages and took them to her room to scrawl the words she’d been planning on her way back to the hotel. Glancing down at the CD case after replacing the disc, one of the titles jumped out at her. As she thought about the song, its words came to mind. "…I’m gonna feel the sweet light of Heaven / Shining down its light on me / One sweet day, one sweet day I will feel it / When I’m back on my feet again / When I’m back on my feet again / I’ll walk proud down the street again / And they’ll all look at me again / And they’ll see that I’m strong…" she sang softly to herself as she completed her tasks. "… / I will learn to stand tall again…"

Yes I will stand tall again someday. I’m doing the right thing. This way is the least painful for everyone involved. Depositing the letters where she knew they would be found, Laurel grabbed her belongings and let herself out. No one saw her go.

There was a different doorman on duty now, one she’d never seen; Laurel was grateful when he thought nothing of it when she hailed a cab and never looked back.

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye to Mackenzie or Zoë or Avery or Jessica. But their parents will explain it, I’m sure. I won’t ever see them again, so what does it matter anyway? Don’t let it bother you, Laurel. From this moment, the past has to stay behind you. Don’t drudge it up.

Turning to look out the window, Laurel watched the city speed by as she walked away from the past. The sun peeked out from behind a cloud and warmed her face. For the first time all day, the sun was shining. Yet it was also setting. Beautiful experiences only last for a short time, Laurel thought. Then they’re forgotten in time. So will this be.

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As Laurel vowed to forget, Isaac vowed always to remember. He and Taylor were discussing his conversation with her from the previous night.

"So she said that she was sorry she couldn’t feel the same? I don’t get it. To me, it sounds like she does but is afraid to admit it to herself."

"Do you think it’s because of who we are? That’s what Dad said at the beginning of the week. But I’m not so sure."

"Will you ask her about it tonight?"

"I don’t know. All I know is that I love her and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for her to change her mind about me. I need to show her that she can completely get past what’s keeping her from allowing herself to let me into her heart."

Something about the way he worded that tells me that there’s more to it than who he is that has Laurel keeping her distance, Taylor thought. But it’s not my place to ask what he’s not telling me. It’s Laurel’s business, and his if she told him. What am I saying? Ike is my brother; he tells me everything. If there was more to it than that, he would tell me. Still, the nagging feeling wouldn’t leave him, and Taylor just brushed it away to concentrate on what his brother was saying.

"So you got it taken care of, right?"

"Yeah, no problem. I’m certain that you were in her way so that she couldn’t see me. Everything’s been done. Can we go back now? I’m starving, and I don’t want any more fast food. Then we can check on Laurel, and if she’s okay, we’ll bring her back to approve the final edits."

"I think that sounds good," Zac said, his stomach growling to emphasize the comment about hunger.

"Alright, you guys win." Isaac threw up his hands in surrender. I want to go back too, and see Laurel. I hope she’s feeling better; she was so weak it scared me. She looks so much like an angel when she’s asleep. But like an angel, she’ll be flying away sooner or later.

Oh, how he wished it would be later. He wanted to spend every possible moment with her so that he could have more memories to hold onto until the time when he could pursue her with a better hope of winning her heart.